More Goat Bell

So, I took one of those home kits on Monday and it's digital screen said "Pregnant". Hospital blood test confirmed it. That explains the utter exhaustion and boobs that are ready to mutiny from the pain. Fun stuff! Four years of trying and FINALLY it happens.

We are both ecstatic and Rob is having too much fun laughing at my onset of hormones. No food or smell aversions thank BOB but this crying at the drop of a hat thing is silly. Also, panicking when you can't take your anti-PTSD drugs sucks. My nightmares have returned with a vengeance and boy are they doozies.

Lately, my dreams have been very vivid. People being murdered, being drug around by their entrails. Little girls being raped and murdered, then stuffed into toy boxes, closets and other places. I'm taxed with trying to saving them and protecting them but I seem to not be able to save and protect them all. It's scary and crazy and sets me off. I'm not sleeping more than a few hours even though I'm napping constantly so I think that has A LOT to do with my state of mind. Hopefully, Thursday when I see the gyno he'll give the OK for me to start back on some of the meds. I miss them.

On the upside, there are going to be huge changes in our life. A baby is coming! Our baby. I get to buy all the cute baby clothes and decorate one of the rooms for the incoming bundle of poop... err JOY, I meant joy. I swear. You believe me, right?

Melancholy gone! Today I tackle getting this old house cleaned up and presentable for the in-laws. Love my in-laws, really, they are great people, I just wish this visit wasn't at such a bad time. Rob is in class and on a night shift so we're only going to have about 4 hours a day to be awake and visit with them. I hope they are prepared to amuse themselves the rest of the day. Hopefully come Winter we can go up to their place and visit. I LOVE snow. Love it. We don't get it here but they get tons where they are from.

Ok, off to hide the clutter.

Industriously,
Amanda

Don't you just love the way that a bit of melancholy can sneak up on you? I've not decided if it's the psych meds, the rain or just plain old "blues" that are haunting me today. Those days when old memories come to play in your mind, you start thinking how things could have been different if only... Not that I want things to be different. I've got a great life and a wonderful husband who loves and spoils me rotten.

I wouldn't change a thing, but that doesn't seem to stop these episodes of mourning things that never were. The good news is tomorrow will bring the sun and a new day. Pensiveness does nothing , looking back changes nothing and would I really want it to? Somethings, yes, I wouldn't mind going back and erasing. The whole childhood sexual abuse could really be erased and it would probably stop a lot of this despondency I suffer from in my adult life.

I know that the sum of your life creates who you are and I wouldn't be who I am right now if those things hadn't all happened. I also know that most people would say that they wouldn't change a thing, but I can't help but wonder how many of those people are lying to themselves. If they aren't then that just makes it worse. I mean, how can people live their lives without having the shadows of yesterday nipping at their heals? Traumatic ghosts are at mine. Things I wish I didn't have to remember, things I wish never happened. Maybe it would be easier if I could lay some of the blame at my own door and come to peace with it. I can't, it's never a child's fault what is done to them by sick people.

I think what really got me thinking of these things today is the story in the news about the 6 year old boy who was kidnapped, raped, killed and then tossed out like a bag of trash left to rot in a road side ditch. A family did this to him. Three (3!!!) people, a father, a mother and a son all participated in the cruel and almost unimaginably horrible death that this child suffered. What kind of monsters harm a child? What's worse is that one of them was a registered sex offender who was released back into the public by our court system.

I want to be able to say that these men and women who prey on children and the innocent can be rehabilitated but I would be lying to my true self and heart. I don't and can't believe that they are able to turn that side of themselves off. Just as I cannot turn off the side of me that still hates the persons who hurt me. Why do we allow these travesties to go on? I know we want to believe in the good of people but from my experience these predators never change. Oh, they say that God has changed them, that they are new people, ashamed of what they've done but knowing that my monster molested and raped women and girls from his childhood into his old age makes me believe that they are not and cannot change.

I wish and hope that if their is a God out there and if there is a heaven that this child, this boy who's future was ripped from him and his family is taken care of, healed and loved the way a child should be. I can imagine his last moments only too clearly, I hope that if there is another existence out there after this that those memories do not carry over to it. I hope that his family is able to find peace and a kind of happiness again. I hope their hearts and souls mend and that this kind of hurt never come into their lives again.


Sadly,
Amanda

Wikepedia says ,

A staycation (or stay-cation, or stacation,or staykation) is a neologism for a period of time in which an individual or family stays at home and relaxes at home or takes day trips from their home to area attractions. Staycations have achieved high popularity in the financial crisis of 2007–2009 in which unemployment levels and gas prices are high.^[1][2] The term was added to the 2009 version of the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. ^[3]

For us it's been a blessing. We have gotten so much stuff done around this place. The field has been cleared, burnable trash has been bonfired. Goats have a better place to rest. The central A/C works in our house now. His garage has been wired and now we are just waiting on the electric company. It's been a long haul but this house is starting to look like a home.

Our land no longer looks like a mine field full of scrap metal, spare parts and old trash. I can't believe how badly the past owners took care of this place. What should you expect from a couple that had the govt watching them for weapon running, that won the money to buy this place from a lawsuit, then squandered the money on new cars and drugs instead of paying this place off so they lost it too the bank. Our neighbors were apparently over joyed to get rid of the trashtastic people who lived here.

It's really a great neighborhood, just outside the city limits. Quiet and peaceful. We love it here but also cannot wait to see what comes next after our 4 years here. The goal is to have this place fixed up so we can rent it out to some military officer and family.

Here's to hoping your summer is going great.

It's been crazy around here. The Husband had the week off so we've been busting our asses working around the house. He's got part of the patio knocked down and already has plans for the rebuild, it's going to be beautiful.

My parents, one of my brothers, his wife and kids came in this weekend so I had a full house. My eldest nephew LOVED the goats, he even fed them and just giggled while they slobbered all over his hands. Love that kid! He was fighting off an ear infection so he was a bit crankier than usual but still just adorable. The younger one is still just a tiny guy and I loved him to death. He's sooooo cute and furry. It was nice having them all here, but I'm also glad to be able to walk around naked again.

We geocached a bit but mostly sat around bull shitting and watching the eldest boy play with my little people toys I brought out for him. My mom and dad had a blast showing me their dive vacation videos and pictures. Very beautiful area in Mexico they went to, glad they finally got to go on a vacation with no kids. It's their first with no kids in over 20 years of marriage. Crazy.

All in all it was a fun week, but I need a nap!

Husby and I are working around the house. OK, fine, I'm just following him around while he works. He's hanging new lights in the dining room and looking to put one in my laundry room. He decided he'd see what he could scavenge from his garage.

He'd just walked into the garage and was surveying the maze of junk when a movement startled him. The hugest garter snake we have ever seen goes scurrying off. We weren't for sure what it was, I ran inside to investigate. Husby has issues killing things that aren't harmful. I'm not prejudiced. If it's slimey, slithery or a bug it should be dead, imo. Screw mother nature and the circle of life.

Luckily our visitor was a garter snake. I kid you not the thing is between 5 and 6 feet long. Husby is outside trying to get a picture of it for the blog. Our new friend is not being as cooperative though.

Due to an unfortunate food allergy incident, I'm going to make this update short and sweet.

Yesterday we got to attend a mandatory fun day for my husbands shop. Lots of heat, good food, a band and pony rides for everyone. Then it was off to a short shopping trip and dinner with some friends. I poisoned myself with iodine at Cheddar's. Not for sure how, maybe it was the salt on the tomato... Either way I'm paying for it today.

Today the husband guy has been working in the yard trying to hack his way through the jungle of grass and weeds that cropped up over the week. Goats are good, they are slowly doing their job. No major events between the dogs and the goats. Hopefully they all figured out that they need to get along.

I leave you with something to make you laugh.



Happy Caturday, Internet!

What is it with bugs and living out in the country? I. HATE. BUGS! They are everywhere! Spiders, noseeums, wasps, more spiders and June bugs. The noseeums I can deal with, small spiders are easy enough to squish but the wasps! I kid you not the wasp that some how go in today was as big as my hand! It about gave me a heart attack.

I have learned to keep wasp spray close at hand because they are the biggest problem around here. I've set up wasp traps and tried to find deterrents, I've even sprayed around the windows and doors to try and keep them away. I think they are drawn to the ever green tree/shrubs we have lining our property. I just wish they'd go away.

Today I'm sitting here at the computer looking up A/C parts for the the husband when this great big wasp flies past my head. ACK! I jumped up screaming and ran from the room. I know! I'm such a baby. I start looking for the wasp spray and find it sitting at the window next to the wasp. I need a plan of action.

I decide that buy going around the table, reaching behind the curtain and grabbing for the can of wasp reppelant is my best bet because I can use the curtain as a shield. Ok, so it's not the best plan but the other option was walking right past the wasp and trying not to startle it. Wouldn't have happened as these guys seem to sense my fear and chase me.

I slowly slide around the table trying not to alert the wasp. Slowly reach behind the curtain, gingerly pull the wasp spray towards me. The wasp is watching me, I swear to Bob, he knows what I'm planning. He starts to turn towards me and I pull out my elite ninja/matrix types moves and soak that sucker!

I got him! First shot, I'm busy congradulating myself when the wasp picks itself up off the floor and starts flying around. It's a zombie and it wants my brains! ZOMG! Yeah, I just let loose and drown that fecker in a pool of wasp spray. I sprayed him every time he twitched. I wanted him dead, no human brains for you! Yuck!

On the upside, I also killed a small jumping spider with that first spray that I hadn't noticed was on the window. 2 birdsbugs, 1 spray + a few. I call it a victory.

List of things my goats have eaten or attempted to eat:

1. My laundry
   
2. Clothing that I am wearing
3. My shoes
4. My fence
5. My Central Air unit
6. Dogs ball
   
7. Tires
8. Riding Mower
9. Trees
10. Roses
11. Card board

Story time! Today I am sitting here at my computer trying to figure out what I'm going to blog about today. Nothing is really coming to mind and I really don't want to turn this into a political debate blog so I'm avoiding the Prop8 thing (Boo California, btw) and all other fun stuff like that when I hear a loud, "CLANG!".

At first I figured it was Killer (my ever deviant cat) who knocked something over or found a way to yet again open a door or a shelf and rummage through stuff he shouldn't be in. I start searching the house expecting to find a cooking pot in the den or a cardboard box in the storage room without it's tape. No such luck. I hear this again but this time identify it as in the back yard.

Great.. the demonic duo have gotten into something. I hurry out back and what do I find? They've pulled the cover off the Central Air unit and are trying to eat it! I wish I'd thought to take pictures but I was too busy trying to get the casing back in place while keeping them from eating the clothes I'm wearing. Silly goats.

I chase them back into the back field and lock them up. Moral to this story? Goats are like 2 years olds with an appetite for anything, you can't leave them alone with anything you don't want chewed up and turned into pellet sized fertilizer.

Hello world, today I faced a slight delima. You see, I have an appointment with my therapist later this afternoon and I noticed last night that the driver's side break light is out. Husby was busying working on his own car so he never got around to changing it out for me. Today after he left for work it dawned on me that I had an appointment in town that is a 20+minute drive away. I am super paranoid of getting tickets. I haven't had one in years but still get all kinds of anxious if I see a cop car behind me.

What was a girl with very little car tech expertise to do? Well, I grabbed me a screw driver and told myself, "It can't be that hard!". OK, so it's 2 screws. No problem, except that the screw driver I grabbed was to short to reach them. Faced with the task of tackling the husbands way disorganized garage I sprayed myself down with some off, crossed myself and said a prayer.

Inside the garage is damp and muggy from the rains we've received lately, the mosquitoes and wasps were busy checking me out but luckily nothing landed on me (you might remember that I. HATE. BUGS!!) so no helter skelter running around screaming while trying to get them off me. I finally find a Phillips screw driver and go back to tackling the brake light cover.


Two screws out and it looks like it should be a simple tug. I give it a quick tug. Nothing happens. I swear somewhere there are a bunch of dead mechanics laughing at me. I start tugging at it again, jiggling it and trying to pull it straight out. That bitch is NOT budging. I sit there staring at it trying to find the one hidden screw that I had to have missed. I finally give up and go worship the Google gods.



With the help of Google I learned that you have to tug it sideways, not just straight out! Right, so I head back out into the Texas exhaustive heat to do battle with this over priced tin can again. Wiggle the thing side to side and it pops right off. Cool! I can see it has three lights to choose from, I choose the middle thinking that has to be the break light. It then occurs to me that I haven't located the replacement bulb yet! Back into the garage I go.

Ten minutes of searching and still no dice. It then occurs to me that this bulb looks like it's fine. Maybe it's not the bulb. I go pull apart the passenger side light and switch the bulbs. Voila! It works in the passenger side. I put it all back together and decide to test my theory as the husband pulls up for lunch.




I was surprised he didn't laugh at me. He checks over my work and tells me to turn the lights on and then hit the breaks, when I walk to the back of the truck I see 2 red lights! Woot! I did it! Right? No? Apparently there is a difference between running lights and breaks lights. All I'd managed to do was switch the running lights. The break light still wasn't working.

Doh! Yeah, laugh at me. I did!

Well, I got my first lesson in raising goats. You cannot leave your laundry hanging to dry with the goats in the area. I knew that they might chew on it so I was outside visiting with Husby when I turned to see Henry chewing on my sheets! My sheets! Not cool, Henry, not cool at all!





Poor Cocoa was giving me the doe eyes making me feel bad when I locked her out of the yard. She's so cute but I'm sure given the chance she would have been munching on my sheets as well. She already loves chewing on my clothing while I'm wearing it!

<--- Husby working on his car. Isn't he sexy? I love that man so much. He spoils me rotten. Eve and Cocoa seem to be getting along better. I walked the field and had the two dogs and two goats following me like my own little mismatched herd. They are adorable. The rain has given us some beautiful wild flowers and luscious grasses. It's also brought biting gnats and mosquitos. I hate bugs! I. HATE. BUGS.

I'm going to have to douse myself in some deet and find my mosquito net tomorrow. That back acre needs to be mowed and these two guys aren't chomping it fast enough. I also need to start making plans as to where I'm going to have Husby build me a small barn structure for when Cocoa does end up birthing.





More pictures for your browsing amusement.



On the Left is Bear and on the Right is Eve. Ignore the trash pile, we are currently remodeling and the last owners were pigs.










Bear has a healthy respect for the goats. They out weight him and he's a big old teddy bear. He stays a good distance away. Eve on the other hand is not transitioning very well. She apparently feels her territory is being invaded and she wants what they have. She's very possessive so she keeps trying to guard their food to the point of keeping them away from it. The blankets in the shed she thinks should be hers and not the goats. She's jealous and pouts when we are feeding or caring for the goats.

I think I should probably get her a nice new chew toy and try to reinforce that she isn't being replaced. Maybe sit out in the back yard with her tomorrow and read a good book while letting her nap in my lap. I'm confidant that within 2 weeks she'll have become friendly and will probably be sleeping with the goats. She's just not sure what to make of these guys. Cocoa has already head butted her a few times when she got a bit too aggressive. You would think after being knocked down a time or two that Eve would learn. She's a bit slow some days.

Meet Cocoa and Henry. Cocoa and Henry are LaMancha goats. They are my LaMancha goats as of yesterday. For a mere $160USD I now own these two crazy goats. I don't think they can be called kids as they are a year old, but they act like children. Any time of day I can hear them outside my back door calling for me. You would think I hadn't already been out there half the day with them!





This is the first time I've owned goats. This is a learning experience but one that so far seems well worth it. I'm a stay at home wife so this gives me another couple of chores each day. Plus these guys are apparently my big protectors now.

Cocoa seems to be the more dominant. For a doe she seems quite a bit more aggressive than the buck, Henry. She has already shown our dogs, Eve a Pitbull mix and Bear a Lab/Chow mix, who's boss. She is beautiful though and very loving. I'm sure Cocoa, Henry, Eve and Bear will learn to get along and will hopefully eventually consider each other in their herd/pack.

I know we are taking a risk with having a female and an un-neutered male but I want to see if I'm able to handle birthing. If this goes south after the first try I will be fixing one of the two. My husband is excited to try milking, he is a survivalist at heart and is already looking into how to make goat cheese. I keep telling him that the horse goes in front of the cart but you know men.

Welcome to my world, fill free to leave tips if you're a goat owner!
Amanda