More Goat Bell

So, I took one of those home kits on Monday and it's digital screen said "Pregnant". Hospital blood test confirmed it. That explains the utter exhaustion and boobs that are ready to mutiny from the pain. Fun stuff! Four years of trying and FINALLY it happens.

We are both ecstatic and Rob is having too much fun laughing at my onset of hormones. No food or smell aversions thank BOB but this crying at the drop of a hat thing is silly. Also, panicking when you can't take your anti-PTSD drugs sucks. My nightmares have returned with a vengeance and boy are they doozies.

Lately, my dreams have been very vivid. People being murdered, being drug around by their entrails. Little girls being raped and murdered, then stuffed into toy boxes, closets and other places. I'm taxed with trying to saving them and protecting them but I seem to not be able to save and protect them all. It's scary and crazy and sets me off. I'm not sleeping more than a few hours even though I'm napping constantly so I think that has A LOT to do with my state of mind. Hopefully, Thursday when I see the gyno he'll give the OK for me to start back on some of the meds. I miss them.

On the upside, there are going to be huge changes in our life. A baby is coming! Our baby. I get to buy all the cute baby clothes and decorate one of the rooms for the incoming bundle of poop... err JOY, I meant joy. I swear. You believe me, right?